


Better Than I Know Myself

by DarkAlpha67



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amputee Bucky Barnes, Avenger Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, But it's the start of one, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Doesn't Comply with Anything Movies Which Came Out After, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Fluff and Humor, Implied and Reference PTSD, Light Angst, M/M, Steve and Bucky Swear A lot, Steve is a little shit, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, mention of trauma, not explict, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 12:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19745395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAlpha67/pseuds/DarkAlpha67
Summary: When he woke up to the sight of Bucky sleeping beside him, he felt the cold fist wrapped around his heart crack and ease.“Morning, punk. What I tell you about staring at me like that?”Steve smiled and replied, “To stop it. But when have I ever listened to you?”“Jesus Christ, I lost count.” Bucky joked. “You at least make breakfast, or were you wasting daylight so you could stare at me like a creep while I sleep?”*Steve and Bucky in the Avenger's Tower.(Not Sure how to summarize it. It's funny, though, with a touch of heartfelt angst)





	Better Than I Know Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you Like it <3
> 
> Don't Forget to Spread Love and Not Hate <3

When he woke up to the sight of Bucky sleeping beside him, he felt the cold fist wrapped around his heart crack and ease. Every morning, if he were lucky to wake up before Bucky, Steve took the time to trace the other man’s features, memorizing his angular curves and soft features. His brows were still tense, revealing he wasn’t truly at peace and it took everything in Steve not to reach out to smooth out the crinkle.

Then, those soft features would harden as Bucky slowly gained consciousness. Steve would hold his breath, eagerness leaping on within him while he waited for Bucky to open those beautiful grey eyes. A grimace would appear before Bucky blinked and then, instantly his eyes snapped up and over to Steve. His body would tense up and then sink into their mattress a moment later, his pale pink lips, which were naturally curled at the corners, would tug up further.

“Morning, punk. What I tell you about staring at me like that?”

Steve smiled and replied, “To stop it. But when have I ever listened to you?”

“Jesus Christ, I lost count.” Bucky joked. “You at least make breakfast, or were you wasting daylight so you could stare at me like a creep while I sleep?”

“No breakfast, but there should be some in the common floor.”

Bucky groaned, running his hand through his hair, brushing away the few strands which had escaped from his night-time bun. “Alright, I guess I gotta haul ass and head down before Clint or fucking Sam eats all the bacon.” Bucky grunted as he pushed himself up, his arm muscle flexing under his weight. Steve followed him with his eyes, remember a time when Bucky hated Steve staring at him like that.

“What? No morning kiss? I wasn’t waiting for nothing.”

Bucky, having turned to plant his feet on the floor, looked over his shoulder with a cocked eyebrow. Steve grinned up at him, waiting patiently for Bucky’s exasperated sigh. He bit back his laugh of triumph when Bucky, using his arm for balance, leaning back and over, pressing a chaste kiss to Steve’s lips.

“You’re a horny shit, I ever tell ya’ that?”

“Only every day.”

With a chuckle, Bucky pushed himself up, reaching for his vibranium arm, expertly putting it on, sighing in relief when his body, which had been tilted to one side, found its equilibrium. Together, they got ready, Steve brushing his teeth and taking a piss while Bucky showered, Steve joining him once he was done.

Dripping wet, they exited the bathroom, moving around each other as they got dressed.

“Bucky, you know where –” A shirt was thrown in his face before he could finish. “Thanks.”

A moment later, “Steve, toss me – hey, watch it! How the fuck can you throw this shit but never miss a mark with that Frisbee you call a shield.”

Steve smirked. “Like you said, I never miss my target.”

Laughter echoed through their bedroom as Bucky aggressively threw his pillow at Steve, jerking out to pinch his ticklish side when Steve made to catch the pillow with both arms, cackling at the squawk that escaped the blond.

“C’mon, I’m starving. I told you we should have gotten something to eat before we went to sleep last night.”

Metal fingers laced through his as they made their way to the elevator.

“You mean when I had your dick in my mouth? You talking about then?”

Bucky nodded seriously, “yes, then.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Buck. Next time, I’ll stop sucking your cock and then we can go make a sandwich.”

Unfortunately, the doors opened the moment he suggested this solution.

“Oh my god! Why?! What did I say about talking like that in public!” Tony whined from where he stood, holding a smoothie that looked more like black sludge.

“Sorry, Tony.” Steve responded, not at all sorry.

“My bad, Stark. I don’t know where the fuck he got his manner from. I thought I raised him right.”

“Morning, fellas.” Natasha called out from where she sat at the kitchen counter in black yoga pants and a purple skin-tight vest. She shoved a spoonful of Fruit Loops in her mouth, grinning at them.

“Hey, Nat.”

Steve moved to press a good morning kiss against her cheek, his happy mood making him feel giddier than usual.

Clint smirked at them as he took a sip from his coffee. “Someone got laid last night. You’ll looking positively happy today, Cap.”

“Only today?” Steve joked. “Cause I get –“

“No! Good-bye! I do not need to hear about seniors getting it on. I am gonna head down where Bruce is.” Tony made a break for it, heading to the elevator. “Should have listened to him and stayed in the lab, but _nooo_ … Great! Now, I’m picturing saggy balls! J.A.R.V.I.S, has brain bleach been invented, yet?”

“No, sir.”

The elevator doors slid closed.

“You guys are messed up.” Sam shook his head at them, moving out of the way for Bucky to get his hands on some bacon. A disgusted look crossed Sam’s face as he watched Bucky shove two strips in his mouth. “Man, just by bacon lube, cause you only eating it for the taste, not ‘cause you’re hungry.”

Bucky froze. “Bacon, what—”

“Forget it, Buck.”

“But, _Stevie_ …”

“It ain’t happening, pal. I like the future, but some things shouldn’t be touch.”

“They said the same in the 40’s and we were still touching it, _pal_.”

Natasha sniggered and Bucky smirked at her.

“And, I’m out.” Sam shook his head, plate filled with pancakes and strips of bacon in hand. “Steve, I’m gonna watch Shrek again, you wanna come?”

“Yeah! Just a sec!”

Bucky moved aside, and Steve hurriedly filled his plate with ten pancakes, and a handful of bacon strips, dropping a kiss on Bucky’s lips before heading out and toward Sam. He heard Natasha, Clint and Bucky strike up a conversation, Bucky wondering if Wanda was up and how Nat and Clint slept, if they had plans today. It was Saturday, but that didn’t guarantee they would all be free.

Bucky was not yet an Avenger, Nat being the most vocal about him having to be a hundred percent ready before he even entered a briefing room. Clint took Bucky’s side, but also agreed with Nat. The three have been working together, training and supporting Bucky in areas Steve couldn’t begin to understand. He could sympathize with Bucky, but he knew Bucky needed people who knew and understood his past.

It was amazing, how easily the team had accepted Bucky. It was rough at first, with Tony and Bucky especially. Tony wanted nothing to do with Bucky, adding he only tolerated him and that’s that. It took a year before they even spoke a work to each other without there having to a reason for the forced interaction. Bucky respected Tony’s opinion of him, so he ensured their interaction remained minimal and that it only occurred as last resort, and Tony made sure he stayed out of Bucky’s way.

It had been Tony, who, upon noticing Bucky wincing and fisting his metal hand, asked, _“When was the last time that thing got checked?”_

Bucky, who’d been still new to everyone, had answered coldly. _“I don’t remember.”_

 _“Okay.”_ Tony nodded his head to the elevator. _“C’mon, let's go downstairs. Steve, you can come, too.”_

They all learned to care for Bucky as years went by, and soon, Bucky learned to care for them in equal measure.

*

However, their lives weren’t easy. Some days were amazing, while others felt cold and dark. Steve would wake up with a sinking feeling in his gut, opening his eyes to find himself face-to-face with and empty space beside him and he’d know: today was not going to be a good day.

Bucky, who’s recovering was still very much in progress, would become hard and indifferent. It spun Steve dizzy the first time it had happened, recalling how happy Bucky had been when they’d fallen asleep only to wake to a Bucky he didn’t know (at first).

 _“You have to understand and accept he is not the same man you knew, Steve. Once you do that, it will be easier to understand and accept the man who came back to you. And by doing so, you learn to help him and care for him, and love him like I know you do.”_ Sam had told him.

_“What if I can’t?”_

_“Then you gotta ask yourself, what you want from him? He is recovering and needs to focus on himself right now. Think about it, long and hard, before you enter into anything.”_

The pivotal moment in their lives had been the night Steve had awoken to see Bucky hunched over a duffle bag, articles of clothing gripped in his hand as he shoved them in the bag.

 _“What are you doing?”_ Steve had asked. _“Are you leave?”_

_“I can’t stay here, Steve.”_

He heard the anger in Bucky’s tone, but he also heard the fear burning beneath.

 _“Why?”_ Steve was out of the bed before he knew it, standing before Bucky who kept his eyes fixed on the task at hand. When he didn’t answer, Steve asked. “ _Was it something I did? Just tell me what I did, and I won’t do it, again, okay?”_

_“You didn’t do anything, Steve.”_

_“Then what? I thought you came because you wanted… to be here, with me. Do you not want that anymore? You don’t have to leave, Bucky. We don’t have to be - we can still be friends. We are best friends, first and foremost and that won’t change –”_

_“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!”_ The words, cold and biting, struck him like a physical blow. _“Okay, it’s got nothing to do with you! What the problem is, is that I am fucked in the head. And I ain’t dragging you down with me.”_

_“That’s not true.”_

_“Grow the fuck up, Steve.”_ Bucky snapped back; the duffle bag now discarded on the chair. _“I ain’t getting better, I’m never gonna be better. You keep waiting and watching for your guy to come back, but he isn’t. This is who I am, this is what I am, and I was stupid to think I could have this,”_ He waved a hand between them. “ _I’m done. I’m not taking you down with me.”_

_“You think I’m waiting around with my thumb up my ass for you to get back to normal? That’s not what I – No, listen to me - I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I am sticking around waiting for the old Bucky to come back, because I’m not. I know you aren’t the same guy, just like I am not the same little guy from Brooklyn. We both changed, Bucky, but that don’t mean I love you any less. Change is a part of life, you taught me that. You told me, to take what the world threw my way and work it the fuck out. And that is what I am doing. I am taking this chance with you at a second life and I am making something of it because I know how lucky I am to have you here with me, right now.”_

Tears pooled in Bucky’s eyes and Steve watched helplessly as he tried to blink them away. _“I can’t ask you to –“_

 _“You’re not asking.”_ Steve cut him off.

_“Steve, I’m broken beyond repair.”_

_“And yet, I still love you.”_ He took a step closer. _“And, yet, waking up and knowing you are gonna be here makes me so happy.”_

He watched as Bucky exhaled, turning around to sink down onto the bed, elbows planted on his knees, hands holding his head. Steve moved closer, coming to stand in Bucky’s eyeline. He didn’t take a seat beside Bucky, even though every fibre in his being wanted him to. Touch, however new, was still something Bucky struggled with during times of distress.

There was a sniff, and Bucky’s fingers threaded through his hair. _“Sit down, Stevie.”_

The second Steve found himself beside his best friend, Bucky lifted his head, grey eyes red and glossy from tears. _“You sure you wanna do this?”_

_“As sure as breathing.”_

Bucky scoff. _“That makes no sense.”_

 _“_ _Sure, it does.”_

A wet laugh answered him, and Steve rotated his hand just as Bucky slid his palm against his, their fingers interlacing. They say there in silence for a while, staring down at their joined hands, Steve stroking Bucky’s skin gently.

A heavy weight landed on his shoulder and Steve pressed his cheek against Bucky’s head.

_“I love you. Every version of you.”_

_“Not every –“_

_“Every.”_ Steve gripped his hand to emphasizes the certainty and promise in his words.

Bucky paused, shifting his head on Steve’s shoulder. _“I’ll stay.”_

And he did.

*

They had their ups and downs, but together they persevered. Nothing could keep them apart; illness, wars, laws, life, choices, and the world had tried but Steve and Bucky proved them how powerless they were.

They knew each other in a way no one ever did or ever would, and they knew how much they loved one another, they trusted in that love and never again doubted it.

Come hell or high water.

**Author's Note:**

> Entire fic inspired by Adam Lambert's - Better Than I Know Myself.


End file.
